If You’re Extremely Detached

This blog continues the discussion of “Extremely Detached People.” To read it, click here

Recommendations For Extremely Detached People.

 Loosen up. Accept the obvious reality that negotiations are often illogical, that there are gaming elements, that emotions and “irrational” factors frequently and inescapably affect many negotiations.

Build on your natural strengths, but adjust to the problems your personal style creates. Accept the fact that most people like rituals, so do them. It doesn’t cost that much time or energy to have a long handshake, make small talk, and take other actions that will create a relaxed atmosphere.

The mutual concessions ritual is – by an enormous margin – the most important one. Ignore your discomfort and perform it. Otherwise, many people will believe that you refuse to bargain in good faith.

More generally, try to tune in to people. Go beyond the facts and figures, and try to understand what they want and why they are acting this way.

If they like to bargain, suppress your natural tendency to make reasonable offers, then stay at or near them. Position yourself by making a first offer that gives you enough room to swap concessions.

Try to put together deals that satisfy both sides, including their personal and political motives. You may not care about those motives, but they do.

Continue to plan thoroughly, but build some flexibility into your plans. “If they do this, I’ll do that. But, if they object to this position, I will….”

Apply the MSP concept. Set a firm Minimum or Maximum Settlement Point based on your economics and other factors, and commit to it with someone important such as your boss. Then explore the bargaining range for creative win/win alternatives. Doing so will help you to resist the pressures to take a narrow approach.

During the negotiation show a lot more flexibility. Set your plans aside temporarily and focus on what both sides want to accomplish. Then openly consider a variety of acceptable solutions and resist your natural tendency to stick to the one best solution. Most people are much less logical than you are, and some solutions can seem illogical and still work. Negotiations, by definition, include ambiguous areas. When necessary, seek or accept a solution that’s less than ideal, but still satisfies both parties’ major objectives.

If possible, consider completely new ways to put the deal together. Since you naturally dislike rushing into areas you haven’t analyzed, get their ideas about other ways to structure the deal, then break to analyze their proposal. Perhaps you’ll be surprised: Their approach may be better than yours, and some combination of the two may be even better.

Above all, accept that negotiations are between people, not computers, and work on that personal dimension.

You can view a free video, “The Negotiating Process,” by clicking here.

You can rent a video about negotiating styles for $1.99 by clicking here.